An Autumn Leaf

Unfolding the chapters of my life

The lies I told

The evil I did

How I always took the wrong path

 Repenting on all my decisions

I’m here on the verge of end of my life

Recalling anything that's good in me

Finding a reason to be forgiven

Like an autumn leaf

All my colors are visible

There is nothing that I can hide anymore

It’s all in front of me

The truth I avoided

The good I ignored

How the right path was always there

Still I took wrong

Finally unfolding the last chapter of my life

I realize that I never did anything good

Repenting on all my decisions

I’m still here on the verge of end of my life

Recalling anything that’s good in me

Still finding a reason to be forgiven

Forgetting that realizing my mistake and admitting my flaws

Is also a good thing that I’ve done

So when I reached the end of my life

I was forgiven after all...

Nikki..

10 march'2011

The Painted Blue House

Today while coming back home

I saw a big painted blue house

With the big white door

Just like a house in a fairytale book

So I decided to take a closer look

I could see the beautiful painting on the wall through the window

And the room full of pictures of the family

Smiling with love for each other in their eyes

I thought to myself that life is like that for some

it is perfect like this house.

With this and many thoughts in my mind I walked away

Ignorant of the fact that that the painted blue house

Wasn’t even close to perfect

Unaware that the smiling faces in those pictures

Can now only wish to be in the same room together

That the beautiful painting on the wall

Was there to hide the crack

Which they no longer can afford to fix

And that the big white door is shutting so many quarrels

By just being closed

So easily these things were overlooked

But as for the ignorant me it was a perfect blue house

With the big white door

Which had all the happiness in the world

That I couldn’t store….

nikki.. 

28th feb'2011

If Only

I’m listening to the rain pouring down
In the street where there is no other sound
I’m standing here with an umbrella in my hand
Listening to the sound and feeling it in my head
Trying to imagine the colors around me
I’m erasing the darkness inside me.
the freshness of a raindrop when it touches my skin
The smell of wet mud...
If only I could see it with my own eyes
If only I could erase the darkness completely
I would want to see the colors which reflects on raindrop again,
The fresh green color of the leaves,
A smile on the face of people I love
Those silent tears that they drop because of what happened to me
That pain in their eyes that I cannot see
I can feel these emotions better than before
But if only I could see these things once again
I would want to see that fresh rain drop
Which smiled to me..
When it dropped on me……

nikki..

The Image Of Me

My shadow when it follows me around

Reminds me of the dark side of me

Which sometimes I’m unable to see

Or I seem to believe I don’t have

But the truth is, it is with me, it is in me

And it will stay with me forever

It was trying to hide itself behind other shadows

Trying to hide by staying in the illusion of darkness

Now it is overpowering the strength of light

Taking away all the colors of life

And painting it in a single tone of black

And whenever I try to come out of it

I could see it with me

Following me in every step I take

Manipulating in every decision I make

Making me a different person

Showing me how

The image in my shadow

Is more likely to become the image of me…

            

nikki..                

  24th September’10

Your Memories

I’m walking away from you
I’m losing your sight
While the tears remained inside my eyes
I remember the day when I first saw you
You seem so nice you seem so true
I remember how you first asked me out
You were so scared but for you I was so proud
I remember the first time when you said you love me
I believed you ‘coz I was feeling that myself
I remember how you said you’ll never leave me
But now I can’t find you anywhere here
I can’t get you out of my mind
I remember each and everything you said
I remember your smile, your anger, your love
I remember how I alive I use to be around you
But now I’m feeling dead inside
Looking at you like this
Lying there so still, so cold
How something like this could happen to you
How can you leave this world so soon
I can’t watch you like this
Can’t control myself from crying anymore
So I’m walking away from you
I’m losing your sight
While keeping your memories by my side
I stopped and looked at you for one last time…. 


nikki

My Habit

You can stay if you want to
And even move out if you want
‘Coz I’m tired of waiting for you
Tired of your ignorant behavior
You talk to me last night
Maybe you want to work things out
But what if you go missing again
And leave me here in this crowd
The crowd of my thoughts
Crowd of your memories
Which speaks to me constantly
And reminds me of my pain
People say crying helps
But it is not working in my case
I feel like I’m out of emotions
And can’t even decide what to do
I guess you have become my habit more than love
Still I can’t imagine my life without you…


nikki..

Is It Possible

Is it possible?
Saying you’re happy when you are not
Saying I hate you when you don’t mean
Saying you can when you know you can’t
Saying it’s all right when you know it is so wrong
Saying its possible when it’s not

Is it possible?
To smile with tears in eyes
Living a life which no longer means anything to you
Sharing your tears with someone who doesn’t understand
Searching for things which are hard to find
Waiting for the morning when you can see this is the end

Is it possible?
I know it’s not
But I’m still hoping for it to be…


nikki..
27th jan’09

Innocence

I close my eyes…

I’m losing something I can tell clearly
A part of me is dieing nearly
The innocence is still in me
But the world is making me
The world is taking me
To the different place

I open my eyes…

I see the place
Everything is different, everything is new
The innocence is missing
Everyone else has something new
Something which is lost
Something which is not
But I can’t handle this world
I can’t handle this place
It’s too difficult for me to face

I then close my eyes and pray
slowly chanted the words which I wanted to say
I wish I could just stay forever this way….


nikki..
Date: 14th Oct ’08

I Hate

I hate being around with people who misunderstand me
I hate being around with people who pick on me
I hate being around with people who make me feel like a loser
I hate being around with people who think they can make fun of me
I hate being around with people who think one negative thing can overshadow thousand good things that I’ve in me
I hate being around with people who don’t know me still think they have right to judge me
I hate being around with people who remind me how mean they can be
I hate being around with people who make me forget about the people who are thousand times better than them
I hate being around with people who make me hate myself
I hate being around with people who make me hate this world which was once the loveliest thing for me....



nikki..
Date: 27 Jan ’09

The Last Thing

I’m too far in my imagination
I’m too deep in my thoughts
I’m thinking about the times when we were together
Thinking about the times when we laughed
I’ll miss those sleepless nights during exams
I’ll miss hanging out with you
I’ll miss the day when you made me sing in MC D’s
I’ll miss the look on people’s face
When they got to know we are namesake
I’ll miss all these crazy moments
It’s so sad when I think about all these stuff
‘Coz you are leaving now
You are going back so soon
But I’ll miss you everyday
And remember me always my friend
That’s the last thing I’ve got to say….


nikki..
1st April’09

A Strange City

I’m in a strange city, full of strangers

No one that I could trust, no one that I know
And the ones who care are just few

Those few people is out there somewhere
Just need to be reminded of the person who is here

So I took one track to find those people
But now I am lost
And so is the smile with this thought

I don’t know where else to find those people
Where else to find those friends
Who were supposed to be with me till the very end

And now in that foggy track it’s even too hard to see
Who else is with me?

But I guess I am alone looking for them
Still in this strange city which is full of strangers…


nikki..
 8th April 2008